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I was having a healthy discussion with my mom regarding my current life situation.
My mom was worried about my life because I don’t have a stable income source and she wants me to provide for the family (I am struggling to put the exact scenario into words here).
I told her that since my education was done I have taken care of my personal expenses myself and tried to contribute to family while I could. I have taken some financial help from my parents while purchasing computer and one or two other things. Apart from that I have so far have taken care of my financial situation.
Whenever my mom brings up this topic that I have to take responsibility of family and take care of them,etc I get this thought..
Why is it that it’s made like a necessity that the kids have to take care of the parents?
Two individuals like each other, they have physical connection to express their feelings and then they end up having their kids.
They take care of their kids because they care for it and are connected to them.
The kid is a new life brought who is also an individual who might have his own way of living life.
Why is it that this individual has to comply with parents just because they have brought this life to world?
If that’s the case then have they brought up this new life for their security, so that when they get old they have their kids to take care of them.
I think that as an individual one should take full responsibility of living his own life.
If one decides to bring a new life to the world then it was his/her choice and has to take care of it till it can live it’s life. There should be no expectations kept.
Now I am not saying that I don’t like to take care of my parents but I am trying my best to not be a burden to them financially atleast by taking care of myself.
Again, it’s hard to convey the exact thing that I have in mind into words.
I think I understand where you’re coming from, and I think it’s about a sense of duty.
Society expects us to have duties that we fulfill, either to family, jobs, or others. Let’s make a comparison to a job.
A job gives you duties to fulfill. In return, they provide money, which allows you to support yourself and survive. In the same way, a family gives you duties to fulfill, and in return, they raise you and provide for you when you are a child.
However, even a job that pays you well can be stressful and unsatisfying. Some jobs are harmful to us. The money isn’t worth it.
The same can be true with families. I think that if your family is stressful, demanding, degrading, or harmful, the support they give you isn’t worth it.
And if the compensation isn’t worth it, then you start to shirk your duties, right? You don’t give everything you could.
I agree that an individual should take responsibility for their own life, but when people help us (or pay us), it comes with duties we must fulfill.
If you believe that you aren’t being helped enough, and they are asking too many duties of you, maybe it’s time to quit that job, or move out of that house.
Personally, I moved out of my parent’s house quite soon because my father imposed too many duties and expectations on me while providing very little. Living on my own has helped me to act in my own interests, and I’ve discovered that there are other jobs and people I would much rather give my efforts to.
I understand your point.
My parents are not that demanding and are supportive to my current lifestyle and they just want me to be in good condition that’s all.
It’s hard to convey what exactly I have in my mind.
The job anology you gave, in that, I have personally joined the job so I have to do my duties there irrespectively.
But in the other case it’s more like the owner of the company has created a job vacancy and is mad at me for not applying for the job
Fascinating discussion.
I was having a healthy discussion with my mom regarding my current life situation
Man!!! It is a luxury to have a healthy discussion with a parent. I have seen many parents fixated on ideas and refuse to even listen to their wards. Reasoning can be a far fetched dream. But if it does happen then you are in super luck.
My mom was worried about my life…
…not be a burden to them financially atleast by taking care of myself.
As a father myself, the first question that came to my mind when I fully grasped the situation that I have been blessed with a son was:
“Will my child survive is something is to happen to me tomorrow?”This thought process immediately establishes a list of borders and bridges to cross. Fundamental requirements to deem validity to the conditions that ensure the continued survival of my child (You can extend this to children, but I have just one son so I’ll refer to a single child). Next follow a long list of milestones that serve as guidelines or progress route to achieve this fundamental goal of my child’s survival without me as a parent. I’ll give you certain examples.
A new born must
- hold its head by developing a strength in the neck,
- start to crawl,
- start to generate sounds,
- have all senses going well i.e. eyesight, hearing etc,
- start speaking,
- start walking,
- perform at pre school,
- perform at school,
- develop social skills,
- learn core skills, or in other words responds to education,
- maintain healthy friendships,
- higher studies, and finally
- explore the world.
Kindly don’t quote me on the list as these are mere examples driven from my personal foresight. However, you see there is indeed a plan at the completion of which I am sure my ward will be self sufficient and I no longer have to worry about his survival as it would be at par with any other individual in the world.
According to this plan, a child is free to do whatever he feels like after my plan is complete. Until then the child is free in a flexible one where he keeps within the boundaries of my plans. This is easier to implement when the child is little. Puberty onwards, it gets more and more difficult to get a straightforward approach so “Friendship” tactic comes into play. I will be my child’s friend till my plan ends and that should allow me smooth execution.So the way I analyse your thoughts on parenting, I truly believe that you parents may still not believe that their plan has been achieved and having a stable income to gain and maintain a marital relationship is perhaps one of their milestones. They are not wrong in establishing that milestone as they are full entitled for it, however this does not mean that can tighten the grip of flexibility on you. After a certain age point in a child life, I believe parents must assess that plan and make necessary changes or alterations or probable detours to provide for a successful launch of their ward into the world.
If one decides to bring a new life to the world then it was his/her choice and has to take care of it till it can live it’s life. There should be no expectations kept.
A human child is hopelessly dependant on parental care. It will not survive without such care. Death is certain in that case. Expectations here are inevitable and form the basis of evaluation for their own progressive milestones. But again, these expectations must evolve as the child grows. It is a must for a parent to realise that the “Plan” needs to be “Constantly” amended to the present. It is also vital for the parent to know when to let go.
Again, it’s hard to convey the exact thing that I have in mind into words.
Do not worry about that. Your expression of thought is well received.
I think I understand where you’re coming from, and I think it’s about a sense of duty…
…many duties of you, maybe it’s time to quit that job, or move out of that house.
Omg Sir Isaac, I have become your fan to have established an amazing analogy that resonates with the present attributes of the subject. It is wise to compare the parental responsibilities to a job where the worth of income determines our will to adhere to them.
May I request you to elaborate a bit when you mention “shirk from duties”? Does it come out naturally or does is slowly build up out of hesitation and deliberately ignoring actions or requests?
Moving on has been quite a recent concept for me. It is difficult to achieve and comes with lingering doubt. Or may be in the presence of the doubt it truly isn’t moving on.
It is certainly unfair on the part of a parent to expect payment for care but it is only natural to seek support when you get older. Perhaps the parent consider their wards as investments where they can reap the benefits in the later parts of their lives. Even so, if the same is not communicated to the ward and wishfully imposed it becomes a subject of condemnation. A ward must also live to his terms if that value has been imbued in him from the beginning.Personally, I moved out of my parent’s house quite soon because my father imposed too many duties and expectations on me while providing very little. Living on my own has helped me to act in my own interests, and I’ve discovered that there are other jobs and people I would much rather give my efforts to.
You are a bold one Sir Isaac. It takes a lot of gut to refute your parents and the embark on a voyage of your choosing. There are lot of people out there and probability of meeting people who are worthy of our efforts is high. But it does take courage to actually get up and look. When I look back at my life I recall certain decisions that I should have taken my stand against my parent wishes. It is also true that the “would be” outcome may have ploughed a favourable dwelling space, however, myself not standing up for myself then has also brought outcomes that I am still okay with. I guess the whole point is what ever was done was consequence of a “Fact + Action” then and there is nothing to regret about. Furthermore, my “Facts + Actions” today will form my future as well. So I must pick a door and walk through it or may choose to stay a little while longer wherever I am and have another cup of tea 😛.
But in the other case it’s more like the owner of the company has created a job vacancy and is mad at me for not applying for the job
😂, I feel you Sir MinaminoSuechi. These are unfair expectations but they are not going to leave you anytime soon.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>These are unfair expectations but they are not going to leave you anytime soon.</p>
Well, have to see about this 🙂
Also idk how you quote things, tried my best here to do it.
Well, have to see about this 🙂
Yes of course. The thing is one one objective is done there is always another with parents. That’s the beauty of parenting 😝!!!
Also idk how you quote things, tried my best here to do it.
It’s quite easy. Just copy paste the text you want to quote. Select it and then click the block quote button on the tool bar. I am attaching a screenshot for explaining.
You can also click the quote link on the top right of the reply to quote the entire reply. Attaching image for reference.
Hope this helps
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