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I think I understand where you’re coming from, and I think it’s about a sense of duty…
…many duties of you, maybe it’s time to quit that job, or move out of that house.
Omg Sir Isaac, I have become your fan to have established an amazing analogy that resonates with the present attributes of the subject. It is wise to compare the parental responsibilities to a job where the worth of income determines our will to adhere to them.
May I request you to elaborate a bit when you mention “shirk from duties”? Does it come out naturally or does is slowly build up out of hesitation and deliberately ignoring actions or requests?
Moving on has been quite a recent concept for me. It is difficult to achieve and comes with lingering doubt. Or may be in the presence of the doubt it truly isn’t moving on.
It is certainly unfair on the part of a parent to expect payment for care but it is only natural to seek support when you get older. Perhaps the parent consider their wards as investments where they can reap the benefits in the later parts of their lives. Even so, if the same is not communicated to the ward and wishfully imposed it becomes a subject of condemnation. A ward must also live to his terms if that value has been imbued in him from the beginning.Personally, I moved out of my parent’s house quite soon because my father imposed too many duties and expectations on me while providing very little. Living on my own has helped me to act in my own interests, and I’ve discovered that there are other jobs and people I would much rather give my efforts to.
You are a bold one Sir Isaac. It takes a lot of gut to refute your parents and the embark on a voyage of your choosing. There are lot of people out there and probability of meeting people who are worthy of our efforts is high. But it does take courage to actually get up and look. When I look back at my life I recall certain decisions that I should have taken my stand against my parent wishes. It is also true that the “would be” outcome may have ploughed a favourable dwelling space, however, myself not standing up for myself then has also brought outcomes that I am still okay with. I guess the whole point is what ever was done was consequence of a “Fact + Action” then and there is nothing to regret about. Furthermore, my “Facts + Actions” today will form my future as well. So I must pick a door and walk through it or may choose to stay a little while longer wherever I am and have another cup of tea 😛.
Fascinating discussion.
I was having a healthy discussion with my mom regarding my current life situation
Man!!! It is a luxury to have a healthy discussion with a parent. I have seen many parents fixated on ideas and refuse to even listen to their wards. Reasoning can be a far fetched dream. But if it does happen then you are in super luck.
My mom was worried about my life…
…not be a burden to them financially atleast by taking care of myself.
As a father myself, the first question that came to my mind when I fully grasped the situation that I have been blessed with a son was:
“Will my child survive is something is to happen to me tomorrow?”This thought process immediately establishes a list of borders and bridges to cross. Fundamental requirements to deem validity to the conditions that ensure the continued survival of my child (You can extend this to children, but I have just one son so I’ll refer to a single child). Next follow a long list of milestones that serve as guidelines or progress route to achieve this fundamental goal of my child’s survival without me as a parent. I’ll give you certain examples.
A new born must
- hold its head by developing a strength in the neck,
- start to crawl,
- start to generate sounds,
- have all senses going well i.e. eyesight, hearing etc,
- start speaking,
- start walking,
- perform at pre school,
- perform at school,
- develop social skills,
- learn core skills, or in other words responds to education,
- maintain healthy friendships,
- higher studies, and finally
- explore the world.
Kindly don’t quote me on the list as these are mere examples driven from my personal foresight. However, you see there is indeed a plan at the completion of which I am sure my ward will be self sufficient and I no longer have to worry about his survival as it would be at par with any other individual in the world.
According to this plan, a child is free to do whatever he feels like after my plan is complete. Until then the child is free in a flexible one where he keeps within the boundaries of my plans. This is easier to implement when the child is little. Puberty onwards, it gets more and more difficult to get a straightforward approach so “Friendship” tactic comes into play. I will be my child’s friend till my plan ends and that should allow me smooth execution.So the way I analyse your thoughts on parenting, I truly believe that you parents may still not believe that their plan has been achieved and having a stable income to gain and maintain a marital relationship is perhaps one of their milestones. They are not wrong in establishing that milestone as they are full entitled for it, however this does not mean that can tighten the grip of flexibility on you. After a certain age point in a child life, I believe parents must assess that plan and make necessary changes or alterations or probable detours to provide for a successful launch of their ward into the world.
If one decides to bring a new life to the world then it was his/her choice and has to take care of it till it can live it’s life. There should be no expectations kept.
A human child is hopelessly dependant on parental care. It will not survive without such care. Death is certain in that case. Expectations here are inevitable and form the basis of evaluation for their own progressive milestones. But again, these expectations must evolve as the child grows. It is a must for a parent to realise that the “Plan” needs to be “Constantly” amended to the present. It is also vital for the parent to know when to let go.
Again, it’s hard to convey the exact thing that I have in mind into words.
Do not worry about that. Your expression of thought is well received.
Sir @minaminosuechi , I may be on the verge of understanding this. I’ll update you as soon as I hit it.
Hi @blitzy,
First of all thank you for choosing to share your wisdoms with me. I deeply appreciate the support that you give me at all times.
I have known you for quite some time now and I strongly feel that you are a person of values. You have a strong ethical moral compass and clarity in family values.
I have also seen you taking care of your family. Actually, it’s well assumed that your family unit is tightly knit together. Your brother, father and yourself have long held each other’s backs and faced this amazing world.
With you moving to a different city only implies your passion to per-sue avenues of growth and yet you cannot be at two places in one time, except if you are Hermoini Granger, 🤣 !!!
As it is expected to know that your close knit family survival tactic is sure to take a hit with you leaving however the people who you think are left behind are only working extra to allow you for your adventures. You can easily count on your father but with your younger brother, it is only fair to assume that you think of him as a little brother and still see him struggle for the parts and responsibilities that you took upon yourself when you were there.
It’s this weird feeling calming, but also a little unsettling. Like realizing you’re not as irreplaceable as you thought.
I wonder what makes you challenge your replacement. Would you like to share some instances where you felt like it? I’d like to understand your perspective here.
i am still needed but not needed at the same time. so i am in the state of feelingsss whiplash, if thats even a term.
🤣 This is epic. Need is a strong word which surely dwells on relativity. I believe as long as we are available people always need us to their means and as we distant ourselves from them we are soon forgotten. It’s quite natural. Do you not experience the same with other? I’d like to hear your perspective on this as well!
Again, thank you for sharing and sparking my curiosity!
I am surprised by the number of topics that Mr. J has touched in this short video. I can only imagine that this is a short timestamp of a bigger discussion.
I would like to speak about all points highlighted in this short capture:
- Insanity of the world
- Imbued corruption
- Comparative superiority
- Humility empowering learning
- Irrelevance of economic standard
- identify talent and live your passion.
- The insanity of the world that imbues corruption. It is not really difficult to identify the race many a humans are running in. Largely it revolves around power. I believe money is just one means of achieving it. Having paney certainly increases your capacity of increased influence both inwards and outwards. I myself have alleviated myself of certain discomforts using it. But what causes it to overpower the human itself. Does it act like an addition that build a devastating loop of power, corruption and influence which constantly generates money as a fuel for itself.
- Comparative superiority is quite a fundamental problem that I see I many people at various workplaces. However, I do know one place where the comparison of superiority, even though persistent, but still doesn’t hold many. This place is the gym what I workout at. At my time of session I meet and greet several enthusiasts that are working for their fitness. And there are rarely some who are comparing themselves with others. Now when I think about it, that is perhaps because the outcome here is the earned “Health” and not “money”. Perhaps this is why the occurrence of this competition is more where outcome is monetary gains.
- Mr. J says humility opens up avenues of learning. I am failing to understand how this rounds up. I do understand that being humble is desirable, but how does this serve the purpose of learning scenarios. If you could help shed some light on the topic @minaminosuechi
- “Who cares if you are poor”, says Mr. J quite emphatically. But isn’t it the case where one’s mind is occupied with survival when the funds are in a short supply. Then again, could being “Poor” be just a figure of speech and may not mean literally. I am not sure about this part of capture.
- Live with your talents and matter not on the defined success it makes. I concur to this statement. No work can surpass the joy when compared to the passion turned work. Perhaps what Mr. J is saying that one must always work the field what they deem to be their passion. I want to do that too but my question here is, “Is such a predicament even possible in a family life situation or money finds its way of influence here also?”
Wise observation. It’s always least bothersome to simply approach a person and share what we are feeling with or for them. This way to unburden yourself cauterises many hypothetical or like you said unreal avenues.
However, one must also be ready to face the music of the outcome as it may not be what the persona may be imagining it to be. Things are never in our control anyways.
Building up on your equation,
Life = Facts + Actions,is flaming my curiosity. How do you think this applies to making a decision that does not involve other and it’s just you, yourself, who has to choose an outcome off of a few options?
I mean to say, per say your example, the other person is also me.
