I had a chance to sit with Amit Sachdeva, my childhood buddy. We happened to chat about what could the purpose of our lives be. He opened up by asking me what is it that I wanted in life in the first place? “Tu Chahta Kya Hai”?
“I do not know”, I said.
We had a to and fro arguments over purpose, goals and tasks. Even though different terms were used, we were mostly saying the same thing. I parted ways with him hinting that I have some idea about the topic now.
So here I will scribble about what u think I know and what I presume to have understood.
According to me:
The Purpose of my life should be “To Live”. It is becoming my understanding that to think one’s purpose is actually futile. As per “The Experiment” (my other hypothesis about creation and existence), time has been allocated to me to experience “The Existence”. It is not my place to decide my purpose. It has already been decided for me. By who though?
Someone / thing / almighty / God / Parmatma / nature / creator / any name of choice.
My purpose assigned to me is “To Live”. To live life.
Really? Is that it?
Yes! That it is; in the broadest of the terms.
Fine, I’ll take it. What next?
“To Live” you say. So, what does it mean “To Live”?
To live – seems like a present continuous thing. A Present State in Continuity.
| A Present State | in | Continuity |
| Alive? | Indefinitely |
To live = Being Alive Indefinitely???
I am going to explore this further.
The Indefinite:
I have no influence or control on this.
I really do not think that I do.
How can I? There is no certainty of what is coming next, right? Do I doubt it? No. I have seen death of two close and many more around me. There is no pattern; there is no certainty.
Am I being driven by “Death”? Yes. Shouldn’t I be? Death is a powerful driver, isn’t it?
So Indefinite -> I have no influence over it.
Alive — ???
Wait a minute. Why do I suddenly feel that this is something I can “Influence” or “Control”. Wait…
I am wanting to doubt it, but for some odd reason I am unable to.
- I am alive now, with each breath taken. Each heartbeat (felt / not heard)
- I am alive now, writing this very note
- I am alive now, thinking about being alive
- I am alive now, watching myself moving my foot
- I am alive now, thanking the server for giving me a cup of caffe latte
- I am alive now listening to the music being played with frequent annoyance of Spotify adds on the sound system of the cafe
- I am alive now while picking up a hair off of my tummy that probably belongs to the server who just gave me the latte
- I am alive now, thinking about what to write next
Holy smokes, I think I am alive and doing it indefinitely, in the “Continuous”.
I get up at 9:00 am and I normally sleep at about 2:30 am. That counts to be about 18 hours 30 mins.
This is about the time I am awake. Does it mean I am also alive only for that time?
Certainly not. I am also alive when I am sleeping, but….
I sense a problem. It is not the same as wake time. Is it???
| 9:00 am ———> 2:30 am (+1 day) | 2:30 am ———> 9:00 am |
| ALIVE??? | ALIVE???? |
???
Cant be… the same. No, can’t be.
What can count as being alive?
| Awake | Asleep | |
| Breathing | ✅ | ✅ |
| Body Functions | ✅ | ✅ |
| 5 Senses – (Speech, Sight, Smell, Touch and Taste) | ✅ | ❌ [sub consciously] |
| Conscious Mind | ✅ | ❌ |
| Morality | ✅ | ❌ |
| Emotions | ✅ | ❌ [sub consciously] |
| Expression (body movement / gestures) | ✅ | ✅ |
I am feeling an inadequacy in the word “Alive“.
Can the word “Alive” fully apply to both, “Awake” and “Asleep”?
Lets see.
For being “Alive”:
- I can definitely feel alive in the “Awake” state. But I am existing in a sort of neutral state when I am “Asleep”.
Based on Table 1 above:
I am existing in asleep state but not “Alive”, if being alive means active status of all parameters in “Awake” state.
I am confused myself…
This all seems like play of words. I must narrow it down.
I am a living being (Not Dead), when I am both “Awake” and “Asleep”.
But I am alive when I am “Awake” because when awake, I am capable of:
- Actively using my senses
- Experience with my conscious mind
- Action based on my Morality
- Experience emotions
- Active expression by body movement
fascinating………..
The scale of being alive
| Parameter | Short Code | Scale Value: 1 | Scale Value: 5 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sensory Activity | S | Weakly responsive | Extremely responsive |
| Conscious Mind | C | Weakly alert | fully alert |
| Morality | M | unaffected morality | challenged morality |
| Emotional Experience | Em | unaffected emotions | challenged emotions |
| Active Expression | Ex | inexpressive | fully expressive |
Question to self:
Why have I developed Dholu’s scale of being alive?
Answer:
The reason I am inclined to develop this scale is because, even though, being alive broadly applies to all the time I am awake, however, it greatly varies in degree or magnitude or value of all the parameters identified in Table 1.
Let us take few examples:
Activity I: Video Games
When I am playing a video game that I enjoy.
| S | – | 3 |
| C | – | 5 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 5 |
| Ex | – | 3 |
| Total | : | 20 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 80% |
Activity II: Office work Cleopatra main
| S | – | 5 |
| C | – | 3 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 2 |
| Ex | – | 1 |
| Total | : | 15 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 60% |
Activity III: Lunch at Nick Bakers or Lunch in general outside
| S | – | 5 |
| C | – | 5 |
| M | – | 5 |
| Em | – | 5 |
| Ex | – | 5 |
| Total | : | 25 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 100% |
Activity IV: Working out at Gym
| S | – | 4 |
| C | – | 5 |
| M | – | 2 |
| Em | – | 5 |
| Ex | – | 5 |
| Total | : | 21 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 84% |
Activity V: Club Visit
| S | – | 4 |
| C | – | 2 |
| M | – | 3 |
| Em | – | 5 |
| Ex | – | 5 |
| Total | : | 19 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 76% |
Activity VI: Bank Visits
| S | – | 3 (corrected from actual text) |
| C | – | 5 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 1 |
| Ex | – | 1 |
| Total | : | 14 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 56% |
Activity I: Office work Cleopatra main
| S | – | 5 |
| C | – | 3 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 2 |
| Ex | – | 1 |
| Total | : | 15 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 60% |
Activity VII: Live Streaming a video game
| S | – | 4 |
| C | – | 5 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 5 |
| Ex | – | 5 |
| Total | : | 23 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 92% |
Activity VIII: Semi formal meeting with general friends
| S | – | 2 |
| C | – | 3 |
| M | – | 1 |
| Em | – | 1 |
| Ex | – | 2 |
| Total | : | 9 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 36% |
Activity IX: Informal meeting with good friends / relatives
| S | – | 3 |
| C | – | 4 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 1 |
| Ex | – | 5 |
| Total | : | 17 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 68% |
Activity I: Office work Cleopatra main
| S | – | 5 |
| C | – | 3 |
| M | – | 4 |
| Em | – | 2 |
| Ex | – | 1 |
| Total | : | 15 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 60% |
Activity X: Travelling in a car
| S | – | 4 |
| C | – | 3 |
| M | – | 1 |
| Em | – | 1 |
| Ex | – | 1 |
| Total | : | 10 / 25 |
| Alive Quotient | : | 40% |
So, what is the meaning of these numbers?
I have identified a quotient which I choose to call, “Alive Quotient“.
It is a percentage, but a percentage of what exactly????
It is a percentage of how much alive I am during the concerned activity.
Let me create an activity table with alive quotients only…
| Activity | Name | Alive Quotient (% age) |
|---|---|---|
| I | Video Game play | 80 |
| II | Office work at Cleopatra Main | 60 |
| III | Lunch in general / outside | 100 (Most Alive) |
| IV | Workout at Gym | 84 |
| V | Club Visit | 76 |
| VI | Bank Visit | 56 |
| VII | Live Streaming | 92 |
| VIII | Semi formal meeting with friends | 36 (Least Alive) |
| IX | Informal meeting with good friends / relatives | 68 |
| X | Travelling in a car | 40 |
Building a spectrum of Alive quotient based on the current listed activities.
| Alive Quotient Range | Number of activities in that range |
|---|---|
| 0 – 10 | 0 |
| 11 – 20 | 0 |
| 21 – 30 | 0 |
| 31 – 40 | 2 |
| 41 – 50 | 1 |
| 51 – 60 | 1 |
| 61 – 70 | 1 |
| 71 – 80 | 2 |
| 81 – 90 | 1 |
| 91 – 100 | 2 |
| Total: 10 |
Clubbing the spectrum range
| Clubbed Range of Quotient (Roughly incremented and rounded off at 33% of total number of activities) | Short Code | Number of Activities | Activity number |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0 – 40 | CRQ1 | 2 | VIII, X |
| 41 – 70 | CRQ2 | 3 | II, VI, IX |
| 71 – 100 | CRQ3 | 5 | I, III, IV, V, VII |
| Total: 10 | Total: 10 Activities |
Alive Quotient Dial:
An “Alive Quotient Dial” is a dial that operates like a speedometer and assumes a value when I am doing a certain activity. This value is identified as “Alive Quotient Dial Value” or “AQDv“.
For example, when I am working out at a gym (Activity IV), the AQDv puts my “Alive Quotient” at 84%, which may mean that I am 84% alive while working out a the Gym.
Another Example, when I am travelling in a car (Activity X), AQDv puts me @ 40% which means that I am 40% alive while travelling in a car.
So what does this mean?
To be maximum alive at all the time I am awake, I have to do activities that can achieve maximum AQDv.
Maximum AQDv certainly means 100%, which, as per Table 2, is achievable.
Although an AQDv = 0 seems not possible. It may be because of the inconsolable default state of my body (sub consciousness) per se that I’ll default my AQDv to at least 20%.
So, can I fill my awake time with activities that can achieve 100% AQDv?
This is a question I must answer.
Answer attempt 1:
Activity: Live Streaming (AQDv = 92%)
Practical Consistency: 4 hours
Activity Continuity Limitations: Fatigue, hunger, family needs, office needs, social needs
Idea time of consistency: 3 hours
Analysis:
To simply put, live streaming cannot be used to completely fill my awake time.
There is also a cooldown of 1 to 2 hours where I have to rest my eyes and body to never from 3 hours of labour, which is normally achieved by sleep thereby reducing my overall “Awake time” and by extension, “Alive Time“.
Answer attempt 2:
Activity: Lunch at Nicks or in general (AQDv = 100%)
Practical Consistency: 1 hour
Activity Continuity Limitations: full stomach, family needs, office needs, social needs
Idea time of consistency: 1 hour
Analysis:
I can have only a few meals per day. Minimum one and at max 3 for it becomes un healthy in my own mind. It is not possible to keep having lunch the entire awake time.
Conclusion:
After careful thoughts I feel that it is not possible to maintain a higher fixed value of AQDv. It is bound to fluctuate between activities and having is constant 100% AQDv is simple impossible…
However, it may be quite possible to keep my AQDv in the CRQ3 spectrum (from, Table 5). I will have to identify activities that can maintain CRQ3 spectrum of AQDv.
My next task is to explore and establish to activities. Boy it seems like a daunting task. I sense inevitable CRQ1 and CRQ2 activities, but there is also a strong hope that I might eventually be able to identify CRQ3 activities for myself.
This marks the end of my research for now.
Dated: January 22, 2026
The research was performed while enjoying my food at Mojave and Nick Bakers over a course of about nine days, about one hour and a half each day.
